Friday, February 07, 2003
well, back in the saddle. The short story - I reformatted my hard drive and in the process couldn't get my modem to work. My good friend jeff came over to fix it...and ultimately said "heck with it, take my modem instead." What a guy. Thanks jeff.
What a week. Monday it all came down. After a string of dissappointments along the "where the H are we moving" front, Monday just broke the camel's proverbial back. I called the Starbucks in Syracuse (all two of them) expecting at least the hope of transferring with ease. Unfortunately they have WAY too many people and can't use me really at all right now. I called Melissa immediately...I was crushed (pathetic, I know). See, we had made a plan - move by march. We had even put it off - move by mid-march. We were crunching numbers, making budgets, figuring out how we could pay all our bills. And every step of the way, we faltered. Monday was the crowning jewel in our discouragement.
We both had it out with God that afternoon. I was so mad at Him. Melissa was even more angry; confused also. Why this burden, this call to go and plant house-churches, why the northeast - even more, if that's been so evident, then HOW?!?!
And then....we were humbled. Monday evening we received a call...a freak chain of events brought Sami, the little girl Melissa provided care for last year, back to our house. A real shot in the arm for our budget (and a real happy time for our own little guy - he just loves sami). And then I got the mail. A refund check from school...enough for one months bills.
So we were asking God "How can we make it for the next year?" and he said...I'll take care of you this month, relax. I know that He will let us know what the future holds. And until he does, he will provide for us. I've been such a jerk about the whole thing.
--What an awesome God we have.
Does anybody read this? I'm becoming a blogger. It's a process though - I now regularly check a few blogs. Kevin, there is so much great stuff in your last weeks worth of blogs, I can't thank you enough for it. It's conversation that doesn't happen here and perhaps it should. I'm exhausted, simply exhausted from doing ministry the way I have been these past 9 months. Worse than that, I don't feel good about what I've done- only meaning all that I've worked for isn't intricately a part of the vision God has placed on my heart. This is not a self-deprecating thing at all, nor am I "down on" or resentful of the people I've worked with. I love them. That said, I thrive on mission, on vision; I thrive when I am working with a God given passion about something. And I haven't had that for some time which is why I feel the urgency to leave. But that will happen in God's time. For now I'll do my best to live that passion here and now, and live vicariously through those of you who are doing cool stuff.
More to come, but for now...
What a week. Monday it all came down. After a string of dissappointments along the "where the H are we moving" front, Monday just broke the camel's proverbial back. I called the Starbucks in Syracuse (all two of them) expecting at least the hope of transferring with ease. Unfortunately they have WAY too many people and can't use me really at all right now. I called Melissa immediately...I was crushed (pathetic, I know). See, we had made a plan - move by march. We had even put it off - move by mid-march. We were crunching numbers, making budgets, figuring out how we could pay all our bills. And every step of the way, we faltered. Monday was the crowning jewel in our discouragement.
We both had it out with God that afternoon. I was so mad at Him. Melissa was even more angry; confused also. Why this burden, this call to go and plant house-churches, why the northeast - even more, if that's been so evident, then HOW?!?!
And then....we were humbled. Monday evening we received a call...a freak chain of events brought Sami, the little girl Melissa provided care for last year, back to our house. A real shot in the arm for our budget (and a real happy time for our own little guy - he just loves sami). And then I got the mail. A refund check from school...enough for one months bills.
So we were asking God "How can we make it for the next year?" and he said...I'll take care of you this month, relax. I know that He will let us know what the future holds. And until he does, he will provide for us. I've been such a jerk about the whole thing.
--What an awesome God we have.
Does anybody read this? I'm becoming a blogger. It's a process though - I now regularly check a few blogs. Kevin, there is so much great stuff in your last weeks worth of blogs, I can't thank you enough for it. It's conversation that doesn't happen here and perhaps it should. I'm exhausted, simply exhausted from doing ministry the way I have been these past 9 months. Worse than that, I don't feel good about what I've done- only meaning all that I've worked for isn't intricately a part of the vision God has placed on my heart. This is not a self-deprecating thing at all, nor am I "down on" or resentful of the people I've worked with. I love them. That said, I thrive on mission, on vision; I thrive when I am working with a God given passion about something. And I haven't had that for some time which is why I feel the urgency to leave. But that will happen in God's time. For now I'll do my best to live that passion here and now, and live vicariously through those of you who are doing cool stuff.
More to come, but for now...
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