Monday, April 14, 2003
meltdown time
well - hmm. Last night was a breaking point. Melissa and I just melted down. Honestly, I haven't cried that hard in some time. All kinds of things brought this on - mostly just stress about our future. I'm still somewhat angry with God and frustrated in general. As we look around the D.C. area we are continually met with this realization that we can't afford to live here. It is simply beyond our means. Honestly, I'm not sure what that means. And perhaps in the end we'll simply land near wherever it is that I get promoted too (IF I do in fact, get promoted). But what if we have choices...on the salary I would make living in D.C. is kind of a dream as far as I can tell. And so the thoughts creep in...God, should we land somewhere else? Cincinnati? Syracuse? Atlanta? What the HECK are you doing God? I've heard the whole "love God and do what you will" speech...I believe it for the most part. But I can't answer that question in the midst of all these variables. How can I best love God?
Yes, we wept last night. Tears of sadness for our lack of spiritual discipline, tears of fear for feelings of inadequacy, tears of frustration from impatient servants.
***God, here are our lives...do what you will.***
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well - hmm. Last night was a breaking point. Melissa and I just melted down. Honestly, I haven't cried that hard in some time. All kinds of things brought this on - mostly just stress about our future. I'm still somewhat angry with God and frustrated in general. As we look around the D.C. area we are continually met with this realization that we can't afford to live here. It is simply beyond our means. Honestly, I'm not sure what that means. And perhaps in the end we'll simply land near wherever it is that I get promoted too (IF I do in fact, get promoted). But what if we have choices...on the salary I would make living in D.C. is kind of a dream as far as I can tell. And so the thoughts creep in...God, should we land somewhere else? Cincinnati? Syracuse? Atlanta? What the HECK are you doing God? I've heard the whole "love God and do what you will" speech...I believe it for the most part. But I can't answer that question in the midst of all these variables. How can I best love God?
Yes, we wept last night. Tears of sadness for our lack of spiritual discipline, tears of fear for feelings of inadequacy, tears of frustration from impatient servants.
***God, here are our lives...do what you will.***
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