Whatnot

Today. After two days of waiting tables today sucked. I made very little $$$ and am absolutely drained. I'm discouraged (discouragement is something I've felt so often in the last year) and frustrated. I'm once again questioning how I can possibly provide for my family short of packing things up and signing on with a church to do something I'm honestly not excited about at all (nevermind my convictions). I'm bound to have these days...questioning and whining. But seriously, I am looking at student loans and other bills and just saying HOW? Ultimately, I know that God is way far ahead of me on this, but I can't see around this curve. It's too sharp, it's dark, and there are lights glaring in my eyes. I'm blind to what's around the bend.

Still...here is a copy/paste from a recent e-mail I sent to my friend Greg in Alpharetta, GA:
> Greg,
>
> yesterday was...interesting. I was in a drama sketch
> at church. I had some time to kill in the morning
> and snuck off into an empty theater (they meet at a
> movie theater). For 15 or 20 minutes I sat in
> silence, listening and talking with God. I wasn't
> hearing anything but I was extremely blessed to simply
> listen anyway. The main focus of my prayer was this:
> God, remind me of what your voice sounds like, make me
> wise, and speak to me about our future.
>
> Then on with the day. Early in the afternoon we took
> a tour of where our baby is to be delivered. As we
> pulled into the driveway, Melissa said this "I think
> we should move to Atlanta." Through tears she
> explained that while she still doesn't feel a specific
> leading in any direction, she has an enormous peace
> regarding Atlanta. A peace that has been missing.
> She said much more, but that is a summary. Hmmm, I
> thought.
>
> Later that evening I received a call from friend and
> personal mentor, Phil (my friend studying at Duke).
> Great, I thought for a moment, here goes. See, Phil
> is a philosopher...he's made me ask a lot of tough
> questions and in many ways is responsible for my
> "getting" this whole "emerging church" thing. Anyway,
> for some reason I
> was expecting him to be kind of down on you guys there
> in Atlanta. After asking, "so what's up with you and
> those people in Atlanta?" He said, "yeah, that's kind
> of why I was calling...to encourage you to team up
> with those guys. That makes a lot of sense..."
>
And so God gently reminded me that He speaks in many different ways...perhaps he was giving guidance or maybe just encouragement. I honestly couldn't say (I'm just too BLAH today). But I was absolutely reassured that He is listening and working, whether I get it or not.

for what it's worth....